It's been a long time coming but I am finally up for blogging again. It's been a hard couple of months but I need an outlet for my growing anxiety.

I don't remember the last time I blogged, perhaps it was something about my upcoming or possibly already begun weeks of testing. A lot has changed since then, both personally and globally, it is stressing me out and I need to write it down.

Starting with school. Somewhat between 1-2 weeks ago I was let know that I was accepted to start my education towards becoming a CNC-operator - a dream of mine I didn't think would come true in at least a couple of years. Since starting this Monday we've been forced to study at home due to the recommendations of the government. It feels good that the leaders of Sweden is taking responsibility yet I am getting affected by staying home for studies. I miss school and having to do all of my work at home is dissatisfying as I can't seem to concentrate.

Next, my health and the global pandemic called COVID-19, also know as Corona is ruining our lives. First of all, quick physical health check-up: I had a cold for like 2 days 3 weeks ago, was quarantined for like forever and now I am totally fine minus some allergies. Secondly, I am thankful to live in Sweden because I trust the health care and the work that all employees of the hospitals and health centers are doing however I wish that we would have been more prepared. Because they are not equipped to handle a crisis(due to not following certain requirements), health personnel feel scared for their health and their own lives and (obviously) if we don't have personal we will have a REAL crisis. I also feel sad because people don't realize how their votes in the election could have affected this. People only want to support the nurses when their own lives are at stake.

And last but not least, the anxiety of my relationships and for my future. This pandemic is definitely not the root of my anxiety, but knowing people in the risk group, having a boyfriend with his family and friends in a country of challenged health care as well as not being able to meet them, see them or hug them is tough. To think my rock that makes my smile from one ear to the other might..., I'm too afraid - too scared to finish that sentence.

To make matters worse I saw an interview with the Prime Minister yesterday when he basically told the entire population of Sweden that this won't blow over in a couple of weeks as many expect it to. Regulations will stay until New Years Eve. If that is correct plans to visit my BF that were moved from Easter to July might be moved yet again until the next year. LDRs are difficult as they are - try doing it during a pandemic and it might kill you.

The only thing that keeps me going now is knowing that after I finish my education in a year there is a much higher possibility of me getting a job and thereby bringing him home.

  • Life