PTSD FLASHBACKS, RAPE ACCUSATIONS, DEPORTATION, CONTRACEPTIVES AND STAYING POSITIVE

Hello!

I am finally back after my little paus. Or paus or paus? It wasn't really a paus because I didn't really relax. I actually had so little time to myself that I could barely think straight.

Last time I wrote, I wrote about my week and I was fairly depressed. Not much has changed since then but I'm trying to stay positive because I know digging a hole for myself to hide in is just like digging my own grave. Once you have dirt in your lungs, it will first of all be alot more difficult to get up, but also: will it be a good life caughing dirt everywhere you go? Talk about dirt bag... So I'm really trying my best right now. I want to get a routine that I can live with and also start my day quite early in the morning. So far I get up at 8 ish although I go to bed at 22 so I'm really hoping I won't be so tired and sick all the time that my body gets used to this new cycle and that I can get up a bit earlier in the morning to start my day at 8.

But enough about that for now, it'll all be in a comming post. Now I want to catch you up on everything that's been going on in my life.

On the 1-2 February my parents were out of town and I basically ended up being everyones private chauffeur. I don't remember what we did other than watching Netflix, maybe going out for walks, eating really good food and making a cheese cake, but that was basically our weekend.

On Monday the 3rd I stayed at home all day long and in the afternoon we went out for a walk. On the 4th I stayed at home like the day before and then I went into town in the snow storm, going shopping and having dinner at my boyfriend's buddy's place.


On Wednesday the 5th I woke up to snow EVERYWHERE. We quickly got dressed and went out in the slopes which was lucky because the next day the snow was gone.

On Thursday the 6th I did a makeup tutorial video that you can all watch on my Instagram @lisalofberg. On the 7th my entire family except my youngest sister went to my grandparents. I went to an interview and later in the evening we had 3 courses for dinner and it was delicious.

On the 8th my boyfriend and I went ice-skating, grilling veggie-hotdogs and the we went for some fika before going home. On Sunday the 9th my parents, my boyfriend and I went skiing in the storm and then my mom went home when my sister came to go to the pool with us.

Last week was horrible. On Monday the 10th my boyfriend and I went to a meeting at migration, again. Then we went to our favourite Chinese Restaurant Sun Wall, met some people and then we went home. On Tuesday I had quite the day getting information about an education I want to go to. On Wednesday the 12th I got all of my boyfriend's favourite snacks and ran some errands. And on Thursday the 13nd we woke up at 5 in the morning and my dad drove me and my boyfriend to the Airport where I had to say goodbye to him. For two days straight I was both sad and worried sick about his return, I couldn't eat nor sleep and all I wanted to was for him to come back. Although I talk to him as often as I can it almost feels like I've lost him or a part of myself. Anyways, that's when I felt I needed a pick-me-up and did all of me scheduling.

On Saturday the 15th (yes, I missed V-day yet again with my bf) my youngest sister got a french exchange student and she's going to live here for the coming week.

On the 17th I went to an interview at one of my old jobs (that I actually miss) and made some hummus with tahini from scratch which was delicious. I've already eaten the whole batch. Yesterday I was at UMO to get some contraceptives, although my boyfriend does not live here at the moment I love being able to control my period and not get it as often. Before going on the pill my cycle was quite irregular and I could never figure it out, sometimes it would go 6 weeks, but most of the time it was 2-3 weeks between bleedings. When you can't predict your periods you either wear a bunch of ugly panties all the time or as in my case, ruin a bunch of pretty ones. There are tons of women/people that feel awful because of their contraceptives, if so, go off it or change it. Don't go around feeling depressed or ill because you want safe sex. There are other ways. This time around I feel kind of good and the times I feel bad I know it's not because I'm on the pill. My health is fine, so I'm going to proceed. I feel awful that in a lot countries, it's either really hard to get contraceptives or you can't get them at all - and I feel so blessed to live in a country where it is really easy and that you're able to get them on a discount if you're under 25. I also booked a time with a psychologist simply because a person that once raped me and treated me badly, that I reported but wasn't punished has now raped another one and she wants me to testify which has resulted in my PTSD sort of being back again. Not badly, just thought I could put this behind me and then he goes to rape more women. Of course I will testify, but oh boy has this been messing with me! I later went to the store to buy some chocolate and then I went home to have lunch + watch Netflix/apply for jobs until dinner. I spoke to my boyfriend, something we do almost every night and then I went to bed.


Today I woke up at 7:30 did some yoga, showered, made a smoothie for breakfast and now I'm here, bleeding out everything in hope to clean my brain for some productivity.


The smoothie you see in the picture is one my favourites containing rasperries, banana, mango juice, seeds and oats for example. Toodeloo!

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Emmaakarlegrund
Emmaakarlegrund,
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